Allegiant Air says newest airline fees are meant to prompt jokes

In the newest round of add-on airline fees, the low-cost carrier Allegiant Air said earlier this week that it is replacing all its in-flight announcements with open-mike sessions performed by passengers, who will be charged for the service.

“Research shows that these are add-on airline fees passengers are actually eager to embrace,” said Bob Payne, Director of Standup for Allegiant Air Customer Service.

The fees will range from $25 for each knock-knock joke ending with “Orange you going to stop that kid from kicking my seat? to $100 for any comedy routine mentioning the words “air rage,” “shoe bomber,” or “stewardess.”

The airline spokesman said demand had been overwhelming. “Even co-pilots, who might have otherwise had to wait 20 years before getting an opportunity to key a microphone, are signing up for the service.”

“Several junior flight crewmembers have already paid $150 per session in order to begin with, ‘Three airline captains walk into a bar,” Payne said.

Response was equally quick from other low-cost carriers, with Spirit Airlines, in an attempt to outdo its archrival, announcing an open mike performance for Caitlyn Jenner look-alikes, for which there would be a $300 change fee.

In related news, Amtrak has announced that it, too, will institute open-mike sessions, although to insure the comfort of all its passengers the service will be limited to mime acts.

When not working with Allegiant Air, travel humor writer Bob Payne serves as the Pre-Owned Vehicle Tourism Editor for BobCarriesOn.Com.

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