Full body scanners found to improve health of air travelers

In a startling study released today by the Travel Health Association of America, it has been found that while air travelers may complain about full body scanners, they may be benefitting from them, too.

“It appears that the fear of having one’s overweight, out-of-shape, naked body seen by anyone who can get a job at the TSA, or who has a friend who can, has encouraged air travelers to lose an average of 15 pounds since the machines were introduced in 2007,” said Travel Health Association spokesperson Bob Payne.

Adding support to the findings, Payne said, are that diet program and health club memberships among air travelers have increased “significantly” during the same period.

The results are so positive, Payne said, that the American Medical Association has suggested the TSA occasionally leak, or at least spread rumors that they might, an image of someone who could clearly benefit from losing a few pounds.

“The government will want to be careful, though,” Payne said, “because you remember the public relations disaster that resulted from trying to gain acceptance for the machines by having the images of all female passengers look like those of Brittany Spears.”

For readers who don’t recall, far too many agents, based on the results of the imaging, were attempting to propose to Spears, and Spears, in far too many cases, was accepting, slowing the already time-consuming screening process even further.

In one cautionary note, Payne warned that while very promising, the results of the study are not conclusive. “It could just be that the cancer-producing waves used in the imaging technology are suppressing appetite,” he said.

 

In addition to his duties at the Travel Health Association, travel humor writer Bob Payne works weekends for the TSA.

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