The announcement this week that the production of Hostess Twinkies may soon cease has far-reaching implications that could signal the permanent end of the U.S. Space Program, and possibly life as we know it in the U.S.
“The program was teetering on the edge of collapse as it was,” said America’s chief rocket scientist, Bob Payne. “But faced with the prospect of having to invest the billions it might take to develop another food whose 30-year shelf life could sustain mission crews on even the lengthiest journeys, space exploration is not likely to survive.”
The situation is so grave the Obama administration is considering a bailout of Hostess Brands, which also produces Ding Dong’s, Ho Ho’s, and Wonder Bread. And support for the plan seems to be coming from both sides of the political aisle.
“This isn’t Detroit, or Wall Street,” said former republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney. “This is a crisis that affects all Americans, but especially those who after having their taxes raised under a Democratic administration can still dream of being among the first tourists in space.”
In related news, mothers across the nation warned that if Hostess Brands ceased production the fabric of the American family might be torn beyond repair.
Bob Payne, spokesperson for the lobbying group, Mothers Who Deserve Still More Time for Themselves, said that for decades mothers have prepared school lunches with the expectation that if a child came home with an uneaten Wonder Bread sandwich the sandwich would be equally nutritious on any day for the remainder of the child’s school career.
“Now what are the mothers supposed to do, make a sandwich each and every day of the school year?” asked Payne. “Not unless you want them abandoning their families to sign up for the Space Program.”
Travel humor writer Bob Payne served as the chief astronaut aboard Apollo 18.
