“Where’s a priest when you need one?” is a question frequent traveler Bob Payne has never had to ask.
Payne is one of a growing number of travelers who choose their accommodation by scanning hotel review sites in search of hotels with partitions thin enough to hear conversation and activity without having to resort to the traditional method of holding a glass to the wall.
“With the priests, it’s the convenience factor, mostly,” says Payne, who admits that having lived and traveled long, his tally of experiences is not without moral blemish.
“There was that time in Bangkok with the two elephants, and I can tell you that while finding a priest at a place of worship at 3 a.m., especially one that admits elephants, is just about impossible, there was a priest in both of the rooms on either side of me.”
The added benefit of making a confession through a hotel’s paper-thin walls, Payne said, is that once you give even the politest of knocks from your side you know you will have the priest’s complete attention. “It’s not like in a regular confessional, which is traditionally seen as an opportunity for priests to finish the crossword or work on a Sudoku puzzle,” Payne said.
“Of course it is not all about religion,” said Payne, who currently travels the world selling Old Testament apps for the iPhone. “There is also a good deal of natural selection taking place.”
In that regard, Payne said most of his experiences have been positive. “I seldom call down to the desk to complain until the selection process has been completed.”
Like many travelers who look for hotels with paper thin walls, Payne confesses that listening to procreative activities of guests in the adjoining room can be “interesting.”
“The only exception is if the room is occupied by your parents, especially if you know your father is down in the hotel snack bar,” Payne said.
Plenty of other factors make paper-thin walls desirable, Payne said. “Let’s say you want to charter a fishing boat for the day, but don’t have your credit card number handy, and a guy in the next room reads off his while ordering a pizza. Voila! The fish are as good as in the boat.”
Still, the most satisfying aspect of thin-walled hotel rooms, Payne said, is not the practical but the spiritual, as anyone knows who has listened to a night of: “Oh God, ohhh God!, ohhhhhh God!!”
When travel humor writer Bob Payne is not selling Biblical apps for the iPhone he is the Religion Editor for BobCarriesOn.com, your online source for travel news and advice since before Columbus landed at Plymouth Rock.
BigStock photo.
Yes! Finally something about semnyak villas.