Airline stocks plunged today following word that Greyhound Bus Lines may be expanding its operations to include an airline that would allow people to fly for considerably less than even the lowest current fares, while still expecting about the same level of cleanliness in the lavatories.
The 104-year-old inter-city transportation company, whose sleek canine logo was once so synonymous with long-distance travel that a Greyhound journey is still often known as Riding the Dog, is, according to rumor, basing its strategy on a new level of service known as Kennel Class.
“Apparently, the idea is to throw passengers a bone by offering them 10 % off everybody else’s lowest fare, then packing them in so tight that about the only thing they can do for entertainment is lick their private parts,” said airline industry analyst Bob Payne.
Of course cramming more passengers aboard is not exactly a new airline revenue model. It’s no doubt the reason many critics didn’t pay much attention to the Wright Brothers until they had a two-seater. But according to Payne some of Greyhound’s other, more creative, cost-saving measures are what have the airline industry so worried.
“Requiring flight crews to work for tips. Offering onboard meals only by takeout from Carl’s Jr. restaurants. Buying aviation fuel from Sam’s Club. These are the kinds of innovations the airlines may be kicking themselves about for not thinking of first,” Payne said.
Despite the stock dip, everything to this point is speculative, with no word at all coming from Greyhound, except to say that bus travel remains the greenest way to get around. However, Payne considers it significant that aircraft manufacturer Airbus seems to be busy at the drawing board with a new version of its A380, which is alleged to be identical to the current model, except that the tail wags.
When not serving as an airline industry analyst for some of America’s major bus companies, Bob Payne is the editor in chief atBobCarriesOn.com, the travel humor website that has been sharing accurate travel news and advice since before Columbus landed at Plymouth Rock.